KAIROS

KAIROS is a prison ministry.

The slogan of KAIROS is "Changing Hearts, Transforming Lives, Impacting the World."

KAIROS consists of Ordained Ministers and Priests and lay people. We go into Medium and High Security Correctional facilities to show the Love of Christ to the residents. Twice a year a team presents a weekend long meeting that is similar to "Cursillo" in the Catholic Church or "Walk to Emmaus" in the Protestant churches. This is followed by a "One Day" the Saturday after the retreat and monthly reunion evenings to stay in touch with the residents.

Gerry Hartmann, a dear friend of 30+ years talked to me for several years about joining him. Part of all programs is music and I thought they really wanted me to play Bass. Actually, I think they just wanted my Bass - more about that later.  I gave excuses for a long time and finally agreed to go to a reunion to "stick my toe in the water." .

I did not come home inspired. Augusta Correctional Center (ACC)  is about a 60 minute drive from Salem. By the time we meet up to carpool, it's usually nearer 90 minutes. It takes 30 minutes or more to get through security and get escorted to the meeting room. We spend an hour with the residents. Then drive home.

I told Carol that I just didn't think spending 5 hours and a tank of gas to spend an hour with the residents was a very good use of my time. I was sure saying "Hi" and sharing some Scripture and personal reflections couldn't have made any impression on any of those men.

I couldn't attend the next weekend because it was the same weekend as my CHRP - Christ Renews His Parish weekend. And I couldn't attend the following one because it also met on the CHRPs weekend.

In the spring of 2014 I ran out of excuses. I told Gerry that I really was apprehensive. I understood that we had two purposes. Let these men know that Christ loves them and that we love them as brothers in Christ. I said that I could tell them Christ loved them in spite of anything they had done because I believed that. I didn't think I could tell them that I loved them. I didn't know why they were there and we never ask. But it had to be something pretty bad. KAIROS doesn't just want to change individuals. Another goal is to establish a permanent loving, trusting community in Christ within the prison. So we only go to facilities with long term residents. 20 - 30 years to Life is the norm. Gerry said, "That's fine. Just walk in and let the Lord give you whatever Grace you need. Commit to this one weekend. Then you'll know if this is something you want to make a permanent part of your life."

After several weekends of training and bonding with the other team members, I was, according to Gerry at least, prepared. The weekend is a one time experience for the residents so on a Thursday evening I joined 60 residents who, like me, had little to no idea of what to expect. What I did NOT expect was to be remembered. This was more than a year after I had spent an hour at ACC. We got to the gym as previous KAIROS residents were setting up the room. One of them saw me from all the way across the room and yelled "BASS MAN" and came across the room to welcome me back. It just got better from there.

Friday morning we started with songs, prayers, witnesses, group discussions, skits, more of same. I didn't play Bass because Keith, the resident who had recognized me is a much better musician than I am. He isn't allowed a Bass so getting to play mine was a major Joy for him. Gerry knew about Keith. That's why earlier I said that they really didn't need me, just my Bass.

Each table had 6 residents, a lay Table Leader, a Minister and an "assistant table leader". I had heard some horror stories from other members about "challenging" participants who only wanted to argue and disrupt things. Everyone from devout Muslims or Jews to belligerent atheists to Christians who wanted quote scripture and be confrontational about any issue. None of those people were at my table. They were all believers looking for more answers. Later I accused Gerry of  "salting the mine" so I'd want to come back. Whether he did it on purpose or not, it worked. I've attended most of the monthly reunions and I missed the next weekend only because I had just gotten out of the hospital and was too weak to go.

Part of the weekend was a "forgiveness" ceremony. At most facilities all are asked to write the names of people they need to forgive on a piece of paper and then all the notes are burned. ACC doesn't allow open flames so we were told to write on rice paper which we then dropped into a bowl of water and watched it dissolve. We were told that the Lord was present and He would help if we just put the names on the paper. It was suggested that the first name on the list should probably be our own. That part was easy. Then it got more difficult. As skeptical as I've ever been about anything in my life I wrote the names of Carol's ex and his wife. I didn't expect anything. They have done some horrifically bad things. I'd told my Priest many times that I might forgive them for hurting Carol and me but I didn't think I could ever forgive them for the harm they had caused Emily and Andrew.

But, hey, it's part of the weekend and I'm supposed to be setting an example for these men, right? So I got in line with my paper. When I dropped that paper into the water and the Minister put his hands on my head and we prayed, I could feel an incredible weight float off my shoulders. I'd never experienced that kind of Peace. I will always have my guard up. I will never believe anything either of them say. But the anger and hate is gone. All I feel is pity for Emily's dad because he missed the growing up of one of the most incredible young ladies I've every known. At the end of the weekend I felt I should make a public apology to the residents because I got so much more from the weekend than they did.

More tomorrow.

God is Good. Every Day.

I am posting this mainly for folks who knew Mary Ann. But for those of you who did not, she had a birth defect and her left arm was pretty much useless. Her parents taught her that there wasn't anything she couldn't do and that was the way she lived.

We were living in Jersey City NJ in 1968 when we learned that Mary Ann was pregnant. Since we didn't know any doctors, Mary Ann picked a prenatal OB-GYN from the phone book, mainly on the basis of she was a she.

About the fifth month of visits, Mary Ann went alone. The Dr. called me as soon as Mary Ann had left the office so she knew I would be alone. She asked, "Are you a stay at home Dad?"

I said, "No. I'm a Flight Instructor."

"Well, are you going to have a Nanny?" 

"You aren't listening. I am a Flight Instructor. I get paid $5.00 per hour of flight instruction. If the weather is bad, I don't make anything. No. We certainly can't afford a Nanny. Why do you even ask."

"Well, Mary Ann certainly can't take care of a baby."

"Of course she can. What do you think she can't do?"

"Lots of things but for one, obviously she can't pin on a diaper with one hand."

This was WAY before Pampers.

"Dr. I believe you misspoke. What you meant to say is you can't pin on a diaper with one hand."

"Have you ever seen her do it."

"No. But it will not be a problem. And neither will feeding or any other aspect of caring for him/her. Thank you for your time. Goodby. "

I didn't tell Mary Ann at the time because I saw no reason to upset her.  But a few months later she came home from the Dr. so angry she could hardly talk. The Dr. had given her the card of another Dr. and told her to make an appointment to see him because she only did prenatal. She didn't do deliveries. Since she was so upset anyway, I told her about my conversation with the Dr.

BIG MISTAKE.  Mary Ann had absolutely no problem pinning on a diaper with her one good hand. I had major problems using two. I regularly stuck myself.  When I yelled, Mary Ann would say, 'If you did it like I showed you that wouldn't happen." Because I don't believe any one has ever stuck themselves in the hand that held the pin.

God is merciful. By the time Adam came along Pampers made it a lot easier.